A Crocheted Roguishness

by Schroedinger's Cathouse

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Alternative with a geekish bent!

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released January 1, 2010

Music and Lyrics by J. Ross Goforth and Joseph Scott. All instruments played by the same.

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Track Name: Geek Love at First Sight
When I first met you, you were working at a little used bookstore
You were cute and you were nerdy and I couldn’t ask for more
With your short brown pixie haircut and your horn-rimmed glasses
I couldn’t help but chat you up and make a few passes
In your leather biker jacket and vintage clash t-shirt
Your scuffed up old Doc Martens and schoolgirl mini-skirt
You were the cutest thing
That I had ever seen
And I fell for you that night
It was geek love at first sight
When I learned that you were into Linux, well my heart skipped a beat
And that you had built your own computer, made it even more sweet
When you said that you liked Star Trek better than Star Wars
I knew then and there, you were a girl to be adored
With your comic book collection and Anime DVDs
I couldn’t imagine someone else better for me
You were the cutest thing
That I had ever seen
And I fell for you that night
It was geek love at first sight
Now my life is so complete, I found something so rare
A cute, funny, smart, nerdy girl whose life I get to share
I’m so happy sometimes I wonder if I’m only dreaming
But if I am don’t wake me up I don’t want to lose this feeling
You were the cutest thing
That I had ever seen
And I fell for you that night
It was geek love at first sight
You were the cutest thing
That I had ever seen
And I fell for you that night
It was geek love at first sight
Track Name: The Nobel Price
i got robbed
’cause when i turned on CNN today
they had Stockholm City Hall on TV
there was some fat old dyslexic in a uniform giving a gold medal
to somebody that wasn’t me
see, it started when this chemist tried to make things right
after we ripped the earth’s guts out with his dynamite
he put millions in the grave and got his brother killed
so he spent his blood money to ease his guilt
but what i want to know is where that prize money went
when i got a hard time payin’ rent
i got robbed
’cause i done paid the Nobel Price
and i want my cut of that million five
i got robbed
’cause i was never asked to use my mind
and that’s why i started out behind
i heard that Bono got nominated, and i didn’t expect that
he’s used his fame to help the poor and, man, you gotta respect that
but there’s one little detail i never understood
how come they didn’t recognize him back when he was young and hungry
and his music was good?
and it’s cool that Chinua Achebe won for Lit
but that don’t go far towards makin’ up for all that white man’s burden shit
and Doris Lessing won it, man, it’s high past time
but there’s millions of single women below the poverty line
and i’m glad MLK won it, but one day when i run it
i’ll give him the prize for extramarital sex
and give the Peace Prize to Malcolm X
i got robbed
’cause i done paid the Nobel Price
and i want my cut of that million five
i got robbed
never asked to use my mind
and that’s why i started out behind
hey, maybe i should get the prize for Econ
’cause even i know finite resources and infinite wants don’t add up
or maybe Dubya should get the prize for Peace,
’cause i can’t think of anyone else who’s done more for his enemies
we got robbed
’cause we all paid that Nobel Price
and we want our goddamn cut of that million five
we got robbed
never asked to use our minds
and that’s why we started out behind
Track Name: Liz Lemon
I’m in love with a woman that I know isn’t real
She’s on my favorite TV show, I’ve gotta learn to deal
Each Thursday night I see her and fall deeper in love
There’s no other woman that I would place above
She’s a goddess in glasses – a fan boy’s living dream
A cool slice of meringue topped with sweet whipped cream
Liz Lemon - Please please please don’t tease
Liz Lemon - Just give me a squeeze
I’m not like the other guys, Dennis and Floyd were fools
They passed up a diamond for lesser valued jewels
You are so much finer than Jena or Seri
A woman who likes Star Wars – will wonders never cease?
I’d eat pop tarts with you – watch movies every night
But you’re in New York City with a Girly Show to write
Liz Lemon - Please please please don’t tease
Liz Lemon - Just give me a squeeze
I wish I was Kenneth, Tracy, Josh or Jack
Then I could be near you – I’d always have your back
You’d say “I want to go to there.” So there is where I’d be
Oh well, I know it’s just my little 30 Rock fantasy
If I can’t have Liz Lemon then I have got to say
I guess that I could settle for her double Tina Fey
Liz Lemon - Please please please don’t tease
Liz Lemon - Just give me a squeeze
Liz Lemon - Please please please don’t tease
Liz Lemon - Just give me a squeeze
Track Name: Feast
Your table is set with silver
The finest of crystal and silk
Like manna sent down from heaven
Sweeter than honey and milk
A smorgasbord for this famished beast
You’re a veritable moving feast
I was starving for your attention
Lost in a famine of blue
But I’m not hungry anymore
Now that I’ve feasted my eyes
Feasted my eyes
Feasted my eyes upon you
It’s easy to see that you’re luscious
A woman of the finest taste
But you’re out of reach for most diners
Alone in your cold display case
You’re simply the best in your class
The trick is to get past the glass
I was starving for your attention
Lost in a famine of blue
But I’m not hungry anymore
Now that I’ve feasted my eyes
Feasted my eyes
Feasted my eyes upon you
You’re a cornucopia of wonder
A gourmet dish in demand
Delicious both over and under
I want to be your only gourmand
Come and lay upon my banquet table
I’ll feast on you as long as I’m able
I was starving for your attention
Lost in a famine of blue
But I’m not hungry anymore
Now that I’ve feasted my eyes
Feasted my eyes
Feasted my eyes upon you
Track Name: The Curious Tale of Sir Brian and the Baleful Basilisk
Can't see the road ahead
Can't see the road ahead
Can't see the road ahead
Gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other
In this fen there lives a beast
In this fen there lives a beast
and I must fight may way through the darkness
Standing at the crossroads can't see the road ahead know I should get moving but I stay here
I am paralyzed by this foolish indecision
Wish there was a way to clarify my vision
And when I risk the basilisk
I'll have to go alone
Sometimes I quake with joy at the thought of
Being turned to stone
Mossy flesh will never molder
Granite bones won't break
And if my blood flows colder by the year
It's for the safety's sake
Soon I'll take that big step that leads to my tomorrow
Hope I find some happiness and leave behind my sorrow
Standing at the crossroads
I know the beast's lair
I know the beast's lair
I go into the beast's lair
I draw my blade and steely calm
runs through me
I see the beast's eyes
I see the beast's eyes
I strike and the mirror shatters
Into pieces
The monster was me
Standing at the crossroads can't see the road ahead know I should get moving but I stay here
I am paralyzed by this foolish indecision
Wish there was a way to clarify my vision
A sign beside the road way
A singer with a song
Or a guide to point out the place where I belong
standing at the the crossroads can't see the road ahead
when I risk the basilisk
Sometimes it makes me wanna be back home snug in my bed
I'll have to go alone
but her I'm at the the crossroads facing an unseen road
Sometime I quake at joy with the at the thought of
carrying my whole life and it's a heavy load
being turned to stone
Standing at the crossroad
Mossy flesh will never molder
Can't see the road ahead
Granite bones won't break
Know I should get moving but I stay here instead
And if my blood is flowing colder by the year it the safety's sake
Soon I'll take that big step that leads to my tomorrow
Hope I find some happiness and leave behind my sorrow
Standing at the crossroads can't see the road ahead
Standing at the crossroads can't see the road ahead
Know I should get moving but I stay here instead
Standing at the crossroads
Standing at the crossroads
Standing at the crossroads
Track Name: Peacemaker
I don’t wanna fight you anymore
I just want everything to stop
But you always have to battle on
Until you come out on the top
I am so tired of giving in
To end the arguments
Like an casualty of war
My heart is torn and bent
So I’m the Peacemaker
(Don’t disturb the peace)
Peacemaker
(Hostilities must cease)
Peacemaker
Can I find release?
Can we put all of this arguing
And all this conflict to an end?
Don’t you know I’ve tried to respect you?
Can’t you see that I’m your best friend?
You constantly get your way
Always have the last word
Clashing over trivial things
The scene is so absurd
So I’m the Peacemaker
(Don’t disturb the peace)
Peacemaker
(Hostilities must cease)
Peacemaker
Can I find release?
I know I can’t give you what you want
You want surrender – I offer détente
We have got to come to an accord
My soul’s got a price that you can not afford
So I’m the Peacemaker
(Don’t disturb the peace)
Peacemaker
(Hostilities must cease)
Peacemaker
Can I find release?
If the time has come for us to part
Why don’t we try to make amends
If it’s fate we have to separate
I wonder if we can be friends
I would like for us to be
But I still have my doubts
Fire to fight’s inside of you
And it must be let out
So I’m the Peacemaker
(Don’t disturb the peace)
Peacemaker
(Hostilities must cease)
Peacemaker
Can I find release?
Track Name: Storage
I turn the key in the rusted lock
And force my way in
I step into the stale half-light
And am enfolded by the embrace of memories
The things I’ve loved have waited here for me
I open water-stained cardboard boxes
That contain a childhood of faded treasures that a younger me wanted to save
And I’m hemmed in by polyester pants
That once held keys to my nows and whys
Archaeology is needful
But it’s a hard view seeing yourself from outside
I turn through cobwebbed pads, moldy notebooks
Cinderella, Skid Row and U2
Christmas presents, an unused telescope
Sparkle and die like shards of glass
There’s nothing here for me but it’s a funny thing
The things I’ve claimed have laid their claim on me
And I am framed by photos in
Old family albums that frame my former life
Pages cracked, I’m thin and smiling
It’s a hard view seeing yourself from outside
Track Name: X-Wife
The first few years she was so sweet, treated me so well
Time went by and things went sour and my life’s gone to hell
From blushing bride to divorcee with a vengeful mind
I swear she’s got three sixes tattooed on her behind
She’s a psycho schizo bitch from hell and she’s trying to ruin my life
Psycho schizo bitch from hell, that’s my dear ex-wife
How’d she go from love-of-my-life to bane of my existence?
When the demons possessed her she put up no resistance
She went straight from angel to evil incarnate
Lying, scheming, just pissed-off, that’s her steady state
She’s a psycho schizo bitch from hell and she’s trying to ruin my life
Psycho schizo bitch from hell, that’s my dear ex-wife
Our vow, ‘til death do you part, she’s takin’ literally
She’s opened up a can of hurt and showin’ no mercy
Find some other sucker to torture break and bury
You know what I mean, my dear, some other fool to marry
She’s a psycho schizo bitch from hell and she’s trying to ruin my life
Psycho schizo bitch from hell, that’s my dear ex-wife
That’s my dear ex-wife
Track Name: ULLI
Oh, I’m in love with a girl who’s in love with a girl
And this whole situation’s put a hurt on my world
I just can’t seem to get her outta my head
Even tho’ I know she just takes women to bed
I wish I could be her girl for just one night
And then we could be together
And then every thing would be all right
She's my unrequited lesbian love interest
She don’t even know that I’m alive
She doesn’t care about me
‘Cause I’m a guy you see
As far as she’s concerned
I don’t even exist
I’m bewitched by her beauty and I can’t help but stare
She only has eyes for women but I don’t care
I wish that I could tell her how I want her
But she’d probably just laugh right in my face
Then I bet that she and her girlfriend
Would grab, hold me, beat me up, and put me in my place
She's my unrequited lesbian love interest
She don’t even know that I’m alive
She doesn’t care about me
‘Cause I’m a guy you see
As far as she’s concerned
I don’t even exist
Whe I met her that night a a party
I knew that it was lovin' at first sight
But when another girl walked up and kissed her
I knew that things weren't gonna work out right
If she was bi then we could have a threesome
And then me and her girfriend wouldn't have to fight
She's my unrequited lesbian love interest
She don’t even know that I’m alive
She doesn’t care about me
‘Cause I’m a guy you see
As far as she’s concerned
I don’t even exist
Track Name: Perfect Thing
Perfect little love and perfect little marriage
Perfect little baby in a perfect baby carriage rolling by
Is why I cry
Perfect little couple in a perfect little tree
Perfectly happy k-i-s-s-i-n-g
Of thee I sing
If we could find one perfect thing in this world
Maybe
We could all be happy little boys and girls
Easy
Perfect little sheep in perfect little fields
Perfect evil wolves swoop in to make a perfect steal
What a deal
Perfect little hopes and perfect little dreams
Perfect little hearts busted apart at perfect seams
Of thee I scream
If we could find one perfect thing in this world
Maybe
We could all be happy little boys and girls
Easy
Ah, that’s just perfect